I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
