Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize