he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
