I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
