Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
