o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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