I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize