Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
