why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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