I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
