fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
