well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
