i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
