dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize