Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
