I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
