Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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