She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
