All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
