I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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