things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
