Quick, to the slutcave!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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