You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
