She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
