when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
