I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
