what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
