you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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