so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
