just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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