my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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