I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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