i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
