we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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