hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize