grandma shit on top of the toilet
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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