Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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