put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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