dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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