I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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