you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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