it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We named our party play list daddy issues
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
