theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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