"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
