i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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