I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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