So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
