Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
