im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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