Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
