what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
