so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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