I'm eating all of the evidence.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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