Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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