the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize