people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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