She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
