Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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