you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
