i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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