oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
