I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
