i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
