So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
