The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
