Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Randomize
