Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
