when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
