Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
