The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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