maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize