I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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