i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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