just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
