He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
