i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
